Muddling through the Weekend Memories and Thoughts....

Happy Hour Friday night... I picked up my dear friend and she and I, dolled up, went to Mitchell's Seafood Market.  Their appetizers were half off, and the martinis were $4.00.  We ate Kung Pao Calamari *my favorite, Spinach, Artichoke Crab dip, and Spicy Asian Shrimp with Sticky Rice - the Cucumber Asian salad/slaw that came with the shrimp was delicious!  She and I got seated in an oversized leather booth, dim lighting, and comfortable, away from the push of the bar, but still in the bar area - it was perfect - because we could laugh and chat and catch up on things going on in our lives.  When we were finished, we left for the mall stores and perused the Clearance racks - I picked up a new sweater, cashmere in black with cowl neck and 3/4 length sleeves, very boxy and comfortable, but flattering and a very early 70s style tunicish, beaded/studded, Indian cotton top to go with denim...

”Oy” - Saturday Oyster Roast!  Roasted 50 lbs of oysters, drank down Bloody Marys, played Wii Boxing and Bowling, then watched The Box - which we made fun of, horrible movie!!  All the horseradish and hot sauce didn't mix well by the end of the evening - and so I was feeling quite queasy... then lets just say - my stomach removed the contents and without puking....

Sunday - comforted my stomach with hot oatmeal, green tea, a cozy blanket, pillows, a spot on the couch, and watched "The Girl Who Kicked a Hornets Nest"... It was a quiet, nappy kind of day... all the windows and patio door open, letting in the fresh air and sunshine.  And, then the evening, surprise!!!  My BFF that lives next door came over to watch Masterpiece Theater with me.  This is NOT someone I would ever expect to have any interest in something like Downton Abbey - she is not a romantic nor one to read up on Edwardian or pre-WWI era stories... but.... she happened to be over the last Sunday and caught it and now is hooked... we have to wait for the second season now that is in production.  I am happy to know I've enlightened my friend on the joys of Masterpiece Theater!  

I think I am going to start looking for sales on a digital book reader thingy, like the Kindle or Nook - however you spell it.  I thought how perfect for when I get on a recumbent bicycle ... I can read a book easily... and even in a dim, cool exercise room like they have at my gym.  There are quite a few new books out that I'd like to read.

"....in your dreams whatever they be dream a little dream of me." ~ The Mamas & the Papas

A childhood friend is getting married, and I am very happy for her – and the other night I had a dream – a dream that I had driven with other friends, one being “Lefty” who sat in the passenger seat, as we drove into a parking garage in San Francisco, California to attend the wedding (my friend getting married is gay).  I got lost in the garage, ended up on some kind of highway and then totally surrounded by the ocean … it was not fun, it was scary…in the dream… 

I wanted to try and see if it was possible to interpret this dream – especially after learning today that the wedding IS IN FACT in SAN FRANCISCO!!!  I did NOT know this beforehand and I did NOT know I was on the list of guests being invited.

My driving around in the parking garage (winding) and the long road:

To dream that you are driving a vehicle indicates the road you're traveling through life. This dream is telling about the manner through which you are traveling. If you can't see the road ahead of you, then you may not have direction in your own life. You don't have ambitions. If the road is winding, this suggests that you are having difficulty reaching your dreams.

The sight of an ocean in your dream indicates the current sentiments and moods. It represents spiritual awakening, peace, and revival.

A dream of traveling in the ocean represents a state of liberation and self-sufficiency. You are displaying strength and bravery in your undertakings.

A dream of water can have many different meanings. On the surface, it represents your emotions; however, water can also be symbolic of your life force, your chi, and your psyche. Other meanings include a search for knowledge or spirituality comfort as well as a need for healing or relief from hunger or thirst.

To dream that you are lost symbolizes losing a sense of direction in your actual life. You might have been distracted and threading a path which takes you far away from your original goals. You are anxious and insecure with the turnout of events. Alternatively, a dream of being lost may reflect an attempt to catch up and adapt to the ever-changing rules and conditions in your waking life.

If someone else is lost in your dream, it points to conflict, unresolved issues and ill-feelings you possess for that lost person. Consider also that the lost person might be mirroring lost aspects in your personality. Try to relive and recognize those significant parts of your personality.

To dream that you are attending a wedding, consider how you feel at the wedding. If you are happy, then you are embracing a new change in your life.

This all makes sense - I am questioning my life, where I am going/direction, I don't have ill-feelings with friends so they must have been mirroring my personality - they do... it all makes sense - so much change and questions as to the future and what my life holds ahead for me ... interesting...

"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another in case it doesn't rain" ~ Mae West

It is a dreary day.  Chilly, wet, stormy and I am stuck in the office - I am very excited about the fact that I have an appointment to get my hair cut tonight.  I plan to ask my hairdresser to cut at least 4-5 inches ... something LOW Maintenance.  I'll be in shock for a few days over the cut, as I have mentioned before I am not fond of "change"... but I'm determined to make some positive changes with myself - and this is a much needed one.

Speaking of being social and getting myself out - Tomorrow night I am going to have a glass of wine and appetizer at Happy Hour with a couple of people - marketing for work and personal fun mixed up in one... and with a new haircut... Next week I have a huge marketing event to attend with people from work - I have a feeling that it will be a lot of fun!!!! I am sure I'll be going out with friends any evening now for Happy Hour at somewhere nice like J. Alexanders...or even Mitchell's Fish Market. I hope to have a nice evening helping a friend type her resume this week, and I have movies to see ... if the weather is crappy all week, then lots of movies because I despise having to drive and go out in the rain.  Just depressing and the roads are too dangerous.

I can't believe it's time for the Oscars once again.  This is when I go through the list and find what movies I have not seen and try and get to the theater or rent them before the awards ceremony.

Best picture nominations:

"Black Swan" - I went to see this with the kid, and he and I both agreed that though this would not be the top choice of the movies we saw this past year, it would be on this list of films nominated, and not because of the movie itself, but because of Natalie Portman - which is why I believe she definitely does deserve the Oscar for Best Actress ... it was a given she'd be nominated, she carried that movie, she was that movie, without her the movie would have been a flop...

"Inception" - Did not even think of this film when thinking of all the best films of the year....

"The King’s Speech" - Without a doubt it's No. 1 and Geoffrey Rush is definitely my number 1 choice and deserves Best Supporting Actor - he deserves Best ACTOR.. not because I just love his acting.. but again, his character/his acting was even superior, in my humble opinion, to Colin Firth's..   Colin Firth - was phenomenal, but he's got some TOUGH competition - Jeff Bridges is giving him a run for his money on this nomination!!!!!

"Toy Story 3" - This was a wonderful animated film, a movie that made even my son, age 20, cry, because it was about characters he grew up with, and we saw it just as we were planning my son's move to college... it really hit home with the kid and I... I loved it, but not on my list for best picture - maybe best animated film.

"True Grit" - This was a fantastic film, the Cohen brothers out did themselves with following the story, the actors they had for this piece, the music, the humor, it worked well and definitely deserves to be in the nominations for the best of the best - though I'd choose The Kings Speech over it ... but a tough decision, and I imagine True Grit is going to win... Hollywood will just have to surprise me.

The following are nominations that I have yet to see:

"Winter’s Bone" - I am going to rent this film this weekend...

"The Fighter" - will go see this in the theater on Sunday....

"The Kids Are All Right" - was going to wait till it was on cable... LOL... but now I have to rent it...

"127 Hours" - I don't even remember hearing about this one...

"The Social Network" - NOT even remotely interested in seeing this one - even if it is on the list, even if it surprisingly wins.

On the list of Best Actor and Best Foreign Language film:

I want to see Biutiful with Javier Bardem, but it hasn't been playing here in the theaters in my Podunk-ville city...Maybe since it's been nominated they will play it soon in the theaters - so I can drool and be all googly eyed over Mr. Bardem on the big screen... I am madly and completely in love with the man, ever since I saw him in The Dancer Upstairs.  I swooned over him in Cristina Barcelona...damn was he not oozing sexuality/machismo/charisma!!!!!  Yes he was delightful in Eat Pray Love, but he deserved a better film - and I honestly am not a fan of Julia Roberts. 

So, life's getting better, it's good to finally be healthy after being sick for so long, and life's getting more active, more social, and soon I'll be back to my chipper and happy-go-lucky, crazy self and have so much to share!!! But, of course, Habibi is none too happy about my being out and having fun without him - he drapes himself over me when I am getting ready to sleep and meows for my attention; in other words, I interpret (call me Dr. Doolittle) it as complaints about leaving him alone too long...

Tiny Tots...

I had a lot of fun at the 2 year old's birthday party yesterday afternoon.  It's funny how we go into parties and social gatherings with dread, wishing we could be home or doing something else, and then once you get there you have a good time ... My gifts were the first to be opened, and the Peanut kept pointing at me, like she was excited that she knew the gifts were from me... she's so precious - this little feisty girl who hates to wear shoes, can beat up anyone who dares to even look at her toys (she's spoiled rotten, which is going to be a bit rough on her when school starts), who stands on the terrace with a "Royal" wave going on to passers by shouting in this loud, booming voice that doesn't fit the tiny tot, "BYE BYE" or "HEY"... or you find her out there in a diaper running her toy vacuum I bought her last year on the terrace.  She's too cute for words - and it brings back memories of my son when he turned 2 yrs. old.  I remember him at that age, his white blonde hair was just starting to grow on his Charlie Brown round head.  He'd be dressed in a little t-shirt, his Osh Kosh overalls that were specially embroidered by his Grammy with love, and little Nikes on his feet that made him jump higher and run faster - and he would hunker down like a little football player, and then take off running, laughing, and BAMMMM run into something leaving a bruise or mark or scrape on that adorable noggin... He had such a little twinkle in his eyes, and a smile of an angel - I miss that little one so much... he was a magical little elf ... now he's a tall, handsome young man, with a kind disposition, who still has a killer smile and twinkling blue eyes. He had a party that a handful of his favorite daycare friends came to - as I was a working single mother by his 2nd birthday.  They were all so cute, and they played well together...he had so much fun that day!  His favorite gift was the stuffed Elmo.  Elmo wore an engineer cap and overalls like he had - and Elmo went every where he went for the longest time.  I miss that snuggle bug baby boy; I miss the things I complained about then, like having to watch Beauty and the Beast over and over again to the point that I memorized every line... they grow up so fast... we never do appreciate those moments until they are long gone.  


But this morning was the regular Monday wake up routine, my alarm goes off, I grab the telephone, and in that crackly morning voice greet my son, who is in South Florida, with a loving wake up call - asking if he's up, awake, and telling him to have a good day, before re-setting my alarm to give me another 30 minutes sleep before I have to get up... We have this routine on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, every week, so that he doesn't have any problems making it to his 8 a.m. English class.  I asked if he felt he was on routine yet, and should I stop calling - and he said "No Mom, I need you to keep it up..." I like to think that's because he misses me and the little 2 year old elf child is still wanting to have Mama's loving care, even if it is just a wake up call, to start his day off...



 

Wine and Tapas

Friday evening I went with friends to a wine and tapas place ... I enjoyed the time spent and conversation with friends, but sadly I had been fighting a migraine all day and wasn't feeling all that great... but, I promised myself and friends I'd get out - and I did - I kept that promise.  But, though the place was nice - the food and wine was great - I didn't feel that I belonged - it seemed like the bar area was only for retirees and the other side of the place was college kids who reached legal drinking age.  I didn't feel like I fit in the crowd - so not really a good singles place ... perfect for getting together with girlfriends and chatting. 

But the highlight of the night was the laughs between my friend, whose heritage is Mexican, but she's all American... she doesn't speak Spanish, she sounds like a girl from anywhere between Texas and Florida... but she had me in tears telling me about having to call or ask for people with odd Hispanic names she couldn't pronounce when on the phone at work with a Texas office - and then she had to give her name - and what these people must think of her...  the way she described it, I was trying my best to control my 40 something year old bladder!!  She also shared a few stories from her childhood and I have to say she had me rolling with laughter - she's got the best childhood stories to share ... I was cracking up because I had not known about some of the things she was telling me - and I've known her for many years now...

So... today I woke up late, went out and helped a friend with some errands, and fit in cooking a pot of chili, laundry, and watched a French film, Roman de Gare.  I liked it a lot - odd thriller/mystery - beautiful scenery... quirky movie - the thing I love about French films - they are not always cookie cutter, Hollywood schmaltz - something I get so sick of - that Hollywood over the top nonsense...

Tomorrow - a 2 year old's birthday party... WOO HOO... living the high life, such excitement!  It will be fun anyway... it's my friend's grand daughter's birthday - a very close friend, so it would not be "Kosher" for me to not attend.

Happy to know I did not spend time holed up alone with the cat... though I must admit - Habibi has had some Mommy and me time today - while watching the French film, he draped himself over my leg and meowed because he wanted attention - so I just laid there scratching behind his ears and petting him - finally he got bored of that - sat up, put his ears back, squinting at me, and then BAM he hits my arm with his mouth - then backs up - cracking me up with this funny squinty eyed face - but then he struck again and this time he wrapped his arms around my arm and sunk his teeth in - OUCH... he's a little feisty bastard!!!  He's off sulking now because I scolded him.

Happy Hour

I decided to force myself out tonight - not to wallow in loneliness and self-pity in the land of "ENS" - and accepted an invitation to meet for Happy Hour at a Wine and Appetizer place after work.  I'll be meeting friends, one I haven't seen in awhile, so there will be some catching up to do...

On the Get Back in Shape and Lose Weight front, I packed breakfast of a bowl of cooked oatmeal and fruit, no sugar added, and I am having my coffee without sugar and I used Half n Half, not creamer, just a dash of the real thing - the calories/fat of Half n Half are less serious and damaging then Non-Dairy Creamer full of corn syrup and other products that are similar to liquid plastics... (just my opinion)... I will begin back at the gym on Monday - and make a routine of Monday - Wednesday - Friday - start with 30 minutes the first week, and then bump it up and up, and knowing myself, I'll probably go every day and become seriously obsessed with workouts.  BUT, have to get motivated and get into the groove first.

And, now to battle the school and the witch in the accounting department that refuses to call me back.  I could not believe the last time I did get her on the phone (She actually answered the phone), and she told me (perfect quote to a perfect lie) "when I spoke to you last"... right, she never spoke to me, she never would return my calls, and the paperwork was lost, not processed, thrown in the trash, who knows, but "LaStelle" has an issue with me... and I NOW have an issue with her, and when I hit that point, heads must roll.  Just picture the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland and that's me - "OFF WITH HER HEAD!"

I have many clients I must deal with that I do not like, and if I had a choice, I would not speak to them either.  But, to earn a living and receive a paycheck, I must provide a service, and give respect and be polite to the clients, despite my likes or dislikes of the clients who really mean nothing to me, only I have the power to allow the dislike, even mutual dislike, to affect my life.  I have to remember this - especially when I come across people like "LaStelle" ... I do have the power to call her supervisor and ask for assistance - avoiding any further upset.  Actually, I told my son, go to the accounting department and take care of this please, and make sure that while you are there you make them call me to discuss.  Make sure they understand, avoiding my calls makes the situation worse, gravely worse... they don't want me showing up at the President of the University's office with my complaint..."No Sirree!"

Introduction

In August, 2010, I moved my son to South Florida, where he now attends college.  This leaves me with an "Empty Nest" and a crazy Persian cat (Habibi) to keep me company and care for... and I feel quite lost and asking myself "What now?" 

I have spent the past 20 years of my life being a single mother, raising one child, protecting one child, and basically dedicating my entire purpose on this Earth to being a good mother... now, I still am a mother, I still have some responsibilities (I have to pay for his bills, make sure he's not on the course of disaster with his new found freedom in a tropical paradise, and send care packages).  


Since my son has been living away from home, I've gained 50 pounds, don't want to go out and have fun with friends, don't go to the gym anymore, and have slowly found myself evolving into this unhappy, lonely, mushy lump who talks to a cat like its her best friend, watches Victorian era movies and television shows, or plays computer games to while away time ...

I finally thought about it - now that it's getting to the point that I cannot gain more weight, I cannot keep refusing and turning down invitations to go out and socialize, and I must start back at the gym - what's wrong with me?  It's called "Empty Nest Syndrome"... and I fit the bill except for one symptom, I do not cry all the time.  

I also work for a firm that specializes in real estate transactions.  I've been with this firm for over 12 years, and feel a great sense of loyalty to my employers, but ever since the big pop in the real estate bubble (the big bad bang in the Economy), I haven't seen bonuses or raises - leaving me in just as much of a funk as the Empty Nest Syndrome ... Easy to say, find another job; easy to accept another job offer; but the fear of the unknown, the saying "It's always greener on the other side", and Murphy's Law stops me... I don't like change!  Pretty obvious.... Though I do believe, in my heart, I have been very lucky over the past 12 years to have had this job... and I think things will eventually turn around for the better...


Reading what I've written so far, I seem quite dull and depressing.  But, I truly believe that that is far from the truth... even though I'm getting quite close to that edge of being so... the truth is:


I love to travel, I love adventure, my gypsy blood is boiling, trapped inside me and screaming for some fun and excitement.  I love my friends, and think how lucky I am to have such an eclectic group of amazing women (and men) to be a part of my life.  Going to concerts, plays, out to dinner, happy hours, just hanging out at one of our homes and watching television and laughing, chatting, talking about woes, whatever it may be, it's the best of times for me - I can be quite the social butterfly - when I'm not suffering from this dreaded Empty Nest Syndrome ("ENS").  


I have a dream, a desire, and that is to work somewhere in Belgium or the Netherlands, some place like for NATO or EU or at The Hague... to live in a small apartment in Brussels or Amsterdam, or a cottage in a quaint hamlet ... taking the train to work, on my off time exploring parks, museums, cafes, making new friends, learning to speak another language fluently, spending weekends in Paris, London, or going to visit friends I have in Germany, etc.  THIS IS THE LIFE I WANT... not this humdrum American existence to work, work and work some more for what?  To have a nice car, a big home, and all the new and biggest, most expensive gadget... that's not what I want anymore... it's not ME....


I don't belong in the place I'm at now... so Now What?